


Why Didn't You Just Tell Me?

by julieta_5672



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fighting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, So much angst, a lil bit of jily, boss lily evans, just cuz, like really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 01:02:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11302512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julieta_5672/pseuds/julieta_5672
Summary: For over a week Remus has been avoiding Sirius. It is affecting everyone. Sirius has no idea what he did wrong and just wants to talk it out with the Moony he loves. But he can't do that if Remus won't even so much as look at him.





	Why Didn't You Just Tell Me?

“Remus come on please just say something!” Sirius pleaded. It had been this way for over a week. Almost every time Remus walks into a room with Sirius in it he either turned right back around or stayed as far away from Sirius as possible. Anytime Sirius walked in Remus would leave or just ignore him even more (if that was even possible). 

James had been trying to stay out of it but it was getting quite difficult. Sirius was his best mate but Remus was too. If he tried to take a side it would probably come back and bite him in the ass either way. And honestly, even if he wanted to get in the middle he had no idea what they were actually arguing about. Remus usually didn’t get this pissed unless it was something really important, which confused James because what the fuck could Sirius have done to piss him off so much?

One day while Moony was out in the library James asked Padfoot just that, “Pads, what the fuck is going on? What did you do that has Moony so royally pissed?”

Much to James’ surprise, Sirius responded, “I have no fucking clue! I’ve been trying to figure it out for the past week but he keeps avoiding me! Every time I can even get a glance from him he looks like he’s about to cry and I have no idea what to do.”

“Have you tried getting him alone?”

“Are you dense? Of course I have! But as soon as I get the smallest chance he runs away,” Sirius said, flopping down into one of the common room chairs. He ran a hand through his hair then covered his face with both hands, sighing loudly. 

At that exact moment Remus had apparently decided it was time to head to bed because the portrait swung open and in he walked. Sirius looked up and froze, not knowing what to do. Remus did however know what to do and marched straight up to their room, not saying anything or looking at anyone else. Crushed, Sirius slumped further into the chair, letting out a groan. 

Peter decided it was time to head to bed so he stood and bid goodnight to everyone, stopped to pat Sirius’ shoulder and say, “I’m sure it’ll work itself out.” With a small, sympathetic smile, Peter scurried upstairs to bed. Since it was basically just James and Sirius left in the common room, James figured they could talk without any worry of someone overhearing. “Okay, now seriously -don’t you fucking say it- what the bloody hell did you do?” Sirius covered his face with his hands, shaking his head, not knowing how to answer the question. “Pads, you guys have been together for what, 2 years now? I’m sure whatever it is you two can work through it.” 

Hearing that, Sirius let out a sob from behind his hands and hearing it, James lunged forwards, sitting next to Sirius and putting an arm around him. Sirius hated other people seeing him cry. Usually he would only let Moony comfort him. His Moony, the same Moony that currently wouldn’t even look at him. Somehow he found it within him to choke out, “I fucked up Prongs.”

James, being the friend he was, didn’t say anything and just waited for Sirius to calm down. He knew Sirius hated looking weak to others, so he let him take his time, even if it meant staying in the common room all night. After what felt like at least half an hour, Sirius had regained his breathing, albeit still struggling with each exhale. “I think I’ve lost him James,” he choked out.

“Oh come on Sirius. You know that’s not true. You two are basically fucking soulmates and I don’t even believe in that crap!” James turned to him, looking at him straight in the eyes, “You two will work this out, whatever it is.” Sighing, James stood up, “Mate we gotta go to bed. Take however much time you need.” With one last comforting smile James made his way upstairs. 

Sirius stayed on the couch, staring at nothing for a little while longer before deciding he should get some sleep, so he trudged up the stairs and crashed into his bed, not even bothering to change into his sleeping clothes. 

The next morning Remus woke up before any of the other boys, taking the opportunity to head to the bathroom first so he didn’t have to fight anyone for it. However, on the way to the bathroom was Sirius’ bed. And as much as he tried not to, he couldn’t help but stop and look. Sirius still had all his clothes from yesterday on. He looked like this was the first time he was getting any sleep in days. Remus probably looked the same or maybe worse. He wasn’t really sleeping for more than a few hours a night. Every time he did he was plagued with nightmares. Nightmares full of the words he could never stand to hear from the one person he cared about most. He couldn’t stand to look at Sirius anymore without aching to be near him again, but he knew that couldn’t happen, so he continued on his way to the bathroom and after getting ready for the day headed straight to the Great Hall, trying to avoid Sirius at all costs. 

Avoiding Sirius turned out to be a lot easier than he had originally thought. A few seat changes plus their different schedules meant they never had any real reason to talk, which was exactly what Remus was hoping for. His plan had been going great until later that week when he was suddenly pulled into an abandoned classroom while on his way to head outside to study. Expecting it to be Sirius, Remus opened his mouth ready to yell but closed it quickly when he saw it was Lily.

“Okay I want you to tell me right now what the hell is going on between you and Sirius. Because James is going crazy trying to stay neutral which in turn means he is ranting to me and I can only comfort him so much before I lose my mind Remus!” she yelled out, ending it with a huff.

It took all he had not to break down into tears right there, “It’s nothing Lils, I’ll talk to James. Sorry.” He should have known better than to try and leave with that, I mean this was Lily Evans. 

“Oh no no no,” she grabbed his arm, dragged him over to a desk and sat him down, “You are going to tell me everything right now and then I am going to help you. Because clearly you four boys can’t talk things out with each other.” She sat down across from him ready to listen. 

As they were in the classroom Sirius was sprawled out underneath the tree by the lake, trying to just get away from everything. Away from the fighting. Away from everything good that had suddenly turned so bad. Away from this Moony back to the old Moony. His Moony. The one who always had some part of his body touching to Sirius, whether it be a light finger brushing against his or his arm around his entirely as they sat in the common room. The Moony who would blush every time Sirius said something suggestive. He just wanted everything to be how it used to be. 

Later that day, after a long talk with Lily and a quick dinner Remus decided to just head back to the common room and get some homework done. However, he didn’t know Sirius had decided to skip dinner. And somehow the entire common room seemed to be empty, bar the two of them, which Remus was in too much shock to notice was peculiar.

Sirius had looked up when the portrait opened and couldn’t think what to do besides stay rooted to his spot when he saw who it was. He thought about making a dash to the dormitories but saw Remus already was heading there. However when he got to the door it wouldn’t open. Sirius was starting to panic. 

Remus was furiously turning the door trying to open it to no avail. Finally giving up he headed back towards the portrait only to find that it would not budge. He pushed a few more times before he realised he was stuck here. With Sirius. He could already feel his chest tightening, the panic setting in. His vision was getting blurry, his back slid down the wall as he fell to the floor. He vaguely registered Sirius running over to him, like he had so many times before. Only this time Remus flinched away from his touch instead of reveling in the safety of how it felt.

Watching Remus flinch away from his broke Sirius’ heart. He just wanted to hold him and tell him it would be okay but he knew he couldn’t do that. So instead he settled for sitting down in front of him. “Moon-fuck- Remus. Hey listen to me. Just breathe with me okay?” Looking at Remus even though he wasn’t looking back he started breathing slowly and loudly, finally seeing Remus follow his lead. 

Once he was breathing normally again, Remus still didn’t look at Sirius. He couldn’t. If he did he would break again. So he settled for staring at the floor, listening to the breathing of the person he once felt closest to yet the person he felt furthest away from right now, even though he was right there. He was broken out of his thoughts when he heard a quiet, “Remus?” Without thinking he looked up, and was met with the grey eyes that had once shown more love than Remus had ever known. Now they were just filled with worry and sadness. Remus wanted to make it go away. Make everything better again. But he knew that wasn’t how it worked.

As soon as Remus had looked up Sirius saw just how miserable he looked. His usually bright amber eyes were a dull hazel, cheeks sunken from probably skipping meals, and just exhausted. But that wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was he was looking at him! He had finally gotten Moony to look at him! He knew it could all be over in an instant so he quietly whispered, “Remus can we talk?”  
He wanted to say no. He wanted to scream and shout and tell Sirius that no they could not talk because talking doesn’t fix everything. And yet Remus found himself nodding lightly.

Taking the opportunity, Sirius inched closer, hoping Moony didn’t notice because he was looking down again. “Moo- Remus, I’m sorry. I-I don’t know what I did. But I’m sorry. Just tell me what I can do to fix it. Please Remus, I’ll do anything!” He tried to reach his hand out to take Moony’s but when he flinched away again he thought better of it. So he waited, waited for Moony to say something, anything really.

He couldn’t figure out what to say. How could Sirius not know? He was so close with him so why should Sirius be surprised the other one had told Remus his secret, and yet not know anything about it? They had always promised to be honest with each other, no matter what. So how could Sirius not remember breaking their first promise? He needed answers so he whispered a very light, “Why?”

Sirius almost didn’t hear Moony. He wouldn’t have if he wasn’t as close to him as he had gotten. “Why what Re?”

Frustrated, Remus found the voice to respond, “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Now Sirius was utterly confused. He was wracking his brain, trying to figure out what he hadn’t told Moony. “What do you mean? I tell you everything. You know that.”

Hearing that caused a choked sob to seep out of Remus’ throat as he said, “No. You clearly don’t!” Remus had surprised himself with that shout but he finally looked up at Sirius, and immediately wished he hadn’t. He looked so hurt, like a puppy who had just been scolded at. 

“Moon-Remus. Please, I-I tell you everything. I swear!” Sirius pleaded, he could feel his resolve crumbling away.

Remus couldn’t take it anymore so he stood and began walking away before turning back to Sirius and shouting, “THEN WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO HEAR FROM FUCKING LUDO BAGMAN THAT YOU ACTUALLY CAN’T STAND ME? THAT I’M JUST A BURDEN! AND ANNOYANCE! THAT YOU DON’T ACTUALLY LOVE ME! WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST TELL ME YOURSELF IF YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING?”

Sirius had stood when Remus had but stood there when Remus yelled at him. Remus rarely yelled like this. He was never this angry, not with Sirius. So he didn’t know what to do. He especially didn’t know how to react to what Remus had just told him. While trying to take all of this in he was standing there, staring at Remus, unmoving.

“WILL YOU FUCKING SAY SOMETHING INSTEAD OF JUST STANDING THERE?” Remus had had enough. He wanted answers and he was gonna get them.   
Finally snapping back into reality Sirius quietly asked, “Ludo told you I don’t love you?”

Everything seemed to deflate from Remus as he nodded lightly. He expected to be yelled at back. To be told that it was true. To be laughed at for being so foolish to believe it wasn’t. What he didn’t expect was for Sirius to lunge at the panting trying to kick and scratch his way out, screaming in frustration. Without thinking Remus went over, and wrapped his arms around Sirius’, pulling him back. As he did, Sirius struggled to get out of his grasp until Remus managed to turn Sirius to face him. “What the fuck are you doing!?”

“I’m going to kill Ludo Bloody Bagman that’s what!” Sirius responded with no hesitation and such determination in his voice Remus’ hold faltered.

“Why? Were you really going to keep lying to me like that?” Remus asked quietly, feeling as though he had been kicked, over and over. 

Immediately realising what Remus thought Sirius abandoned all thoughts of Ludo and grabbed a hold of Remus’ wrists, looking him straight in the eye, “No. God no Re- I want to kill him for telling you those lies. I never said any of that Moons. You could never annoy me. You have never been and never will be a burden to me. I couldn’t stand to be without you. I love you Re, more that I thought it was possible to love anyone.” 

At some point Sirius’ hands had made their way up to Remus’ face, holding him there to make sure he was looking at him. Remus didn’t realise he had started crying until he tried to speak and it came out as a little whimper of, “Really?”

That was all it took before Sirius pulled Remus into a hug bone-crushingly tight. He never wanted to let go ever again because Moony was here. His Moony was here. And he was hugging him. Sirius pulled back to bring his hands back to Remus’ face, resting their foreheads against one another as Remus gripped tightly to Sirius’ wrists as if he was scared he would go away if he let go.

“Moons I’ve been in love with you since third year. I love the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you’re passionate about. I love the way how you make me tell you stories to distract you from the moon. I love your kisses, your touch, your smile, everything. Seeing you when I wake up is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. I told you I would always be honest with you love, and I am being more honest right now than I have been with anyone else ever.”

Remus had started crying harder through this speech, but these were tears of joy. Because it wasn’t true. Pads loved him. His Pads. The one who held him when he had nightmares, the one who got him chocolate just because, the one who would kiss his cheek just because he could. The Pads he couldn’t live without was right here. So Remus pulled him into a kiss. It was salty and watery from both their tears but neither of them cared. They were clinging to each other as if if they let go the world would implode. They kissed until they were gasping for breath so they both pulled back, foreheads resting together again, breathing in the other’s breath.

Finally, breaking their silence Remus quiety said, “I’m sorry,” not looking at Sirius because of how ashamed he was. 

Sirius just pulled him into a hug and reached his hand up to run his fingers through Moony’s hair, “No love, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’ve spent the last few weeks thinking all those things. I can’t live without you Moony, and I would never want to.”

They stayed like that, hugging and placing light kisses to the other’s cheek every now and then until the portrait finally opened sometime later and James peeked his head in only to be followed by Lily and Peter. “Oh thank Merlin! When we didn’t hear anything we thought you’d killed each other!” Lily elbowed James in the rib for that but walked over to the pair, still hugging. 

“I guess you two have made up then?” she asked with a small smile.

They both nodded lightly, neither one of them wanting to let go, but Sirius pulled back, arm still around Remus as he turned to James. “Hey mate would you happen to know where Bagman is?” Remus turned to Sirius and was going to tell him that no it wasn’t necessary but James interrupted him. 

“I think he’s out on the front lawn since it’s still light out, said he was gonna take advantage of the late sun or whatever. Why?” James explained.

Sirius didn’t answer before taking Remus’ hand and marching out of the common room, speeding through the halls to get outside. Lily, James and Peter had exchanged looks before quickly running after the pair. 

As soon as they had gotten outside Sirius spotted Ludo and began marching over to him, still holding onto a protesting Remus as he went. “Pads-love-please come on leave it alone.”

Sirius ignored him as he got to Ludo, “Hey Bagman,” he practically spat out.

“Oh, uh hey Sirius, Remus,” he said awkwardly, glancing between the two.

“I have a question for you. Why the fuck would you tell my boyfriend I didn’t love him and that he was a burden when I have never spoken those lies to anyone especially not your sorry ass?” Sirius said scarily calm. 

By this point James and Peter had caught up and overheard this, standing their ground behind Sirius and Remus, listening as the rest of the conversation unfolded. 

“I uh, have no idea what you’re talking about,” Ludo sputtered out. 

Sirius wasn’t going to take this bullshit and stepped closer, “Stop lying and tell me why the fuck you thought you would try and mess up the best thing in my life.” Remus stood behind him, trying not to blush or melt at Sirius’ words. 

Ludo suddenly seemed to snap and yelled back, “Because you get everything you ever want because your family is a whole bunch of Death Eaters who have connections everywhere only because everyone is afraid of them!”

James and Peter had stepped closer, both of them pissed and ready to punch the shit out of Bagman but Sirius surprised them all by calmly saying, “My family disowned me because I disagreed with their views. I never have and never will support Voldemort. So you can take your fucking judgmental dick and shove it up your own arse. And if you ever try to hurt Remus like that I will personally make sure your dick ends up in a place far worse than your arse. Got it?”

No one said anything. James and Peter were too busy trying not to clap or laugh their arses off while Remus was just staring and Sirius in awe. Meanwhile Bagman finally managed a quick nod before making a run for it back into the castle. As soon as he left Sirius turned back and was met with a kiss, all his anger melting away because of it. 

When they pulled back they joined hands and turned towards the rest of the group. “So I’m guessing that’s what the whole fight was about?” James asked, earning another elbow to the rib from Lily. 

Remus chuckled and responded, “Yeah. But that’s over now. And it won’t happen again,” He said that last part looking to Sirius who smiled and raised their linked hands to press a kiss to Remus’ knuckles. 

With that, the group headed back to the common room, James and Peter starting a game of Wizard chess, Lily beginning some of her homework and Sirius and Remus just sitting on the couch, ignoring everyone else because all either of them saw was each other. That was all that mattered.


End file.
